What I Have Learned - Take Thirty-One

I have learned that I have lost my belief in the power of one.

I spent the first thirty-three years of my life absolutely convinced of the power of one. I was strong, independent, and believed in myself. I never felt the need to have friends, connect with others, or seek approval from people. I was comfortable in my own skin, strong in my shoes, and completely sure of myself.

I knew who I was, I knew what I brought to the table, I knew what I wanted and how to achieve it. I didn't care what others thought of me. I didn't care if someone didn't share my vision, or understand my thought process. I was sure enough of myself to get me through someone else not believing in me. I kept my heart guarded, my emotions in check, and my feelings well protected.

Recently, so many of those things have changed. I began to yearn for acceptance. I started to need people, friends, someone to care. I opened my heart, allowed my emotions to be experienced, and my feelings to be able to be hurt. I began to doubt myself. I stopped believing in who I was, what I was. I lost my sense of importance. I felt like my place in this world was no longer where I thought it was. I began to feel unwanted, unneeded. I even felt uncared for and unloved.

Everything I thought I knew, I am no longer sure of. I question my role as a mother, a friend, a soul mate, even as a person. I no longer believe in that power of one, when that 'one' is me.