What I Have Learned - Take Twenty-Nine

I have learned that Social Media sometimes bites

Both of my older kids have Twitter and Facebook accounts. My son is seldom on either, much preferring the company he finds on the other end of his Xbox Live subscription. But my daughter is, for lack of a better term, obsessed with Facebook.

Growing up, my parents didn't have to worry about the deep dark depths of the cyber world. There were no online predators, no cyber bullies, no internet porn, no anything of the sort. I heard things like 'don't park next to a van' and 'don't talk to strangers'. Well, along with those tidy pieces of advice, I have to somehow find a way to keep my kids safe from both the real world, and the online world.

So when the question came of 'can I have a Facebook page', it was met with reluctance. Once the reluctance weaned, it then changed to a set of rules. Rule #1 - I have to be your friend. Rule #2 - Do not add or accept friend requests from anyone you don't know. Rule #3 - I get to know your password at all time. Rule #4 - I will always be Mom, I always get to ask who, what, when, where, and why - and you get to answer. Rules have been added since then. I have had to make some suggestions, insist some things be taken down, and had to ask a few important questions.

I don't sit and analyze everything she posts, everything posted, or everything I see. I try to find the right balance between cautious and careful and just plain nosey. I have logged in with her password on a couple of occasions, but for VERY specific reasons. I did not pretend to be her, I did not read her email, I did not do anything that would have betrayed her trust in me.

I am comfortable at the moment with my sense of her online safety. I will continue to make rules, set boundaries, and monitor the situations as they change.

But then there is a dark side to my daughter and social media, one that has nothing to do with safety. As I mentioned, she is my friend on Facebook, and a follower on Twitter. That means every last thing, she gets to see. Every wall post, every picture, every tweet - right there in front of her eyes. Fortunately, I live a very PG-13 rated life. And even in times where I may be pushing an R rating - certainly not in a manner in which I would be ashamed for my children to witness. I will always have it in the back of my mind, 'your children can see this'. But I realize that every day of my life.

The darker side is more the flip side. I see HER posts and pictures. She is currently grounded from her cell phone. So her Facebook status reads (rewritten in plain English) 'I am grounded from my phone, don't text me, find me here instead'. One of her friends commented (again, rewritten so it makes sense) 'ohhhh - what did you do?'. My daughter's response 'I will find you on chat and tell you there'....

Now - dammit, they are going to be talking about ME. And what I want to do is post on the wall - 'My dearest child - you are grounded for giving me attitude when I asked for a picture of you. Instead of taking two minutes, smiling, and saying cheese - you instead went into a raging hormonal middle school fit, thus landing your phone in my hot little hand instead of yours. '. Instead, I just had to grit my teeth and look away. THEN - it got worse. She posted 39, THIRTY-NINE, pictures she took of herself and her friends from the dance. THE dance. PICTURES - LOTS OF PICTURES. My blood literally boiled.

So I have this window into her little world. I see things I don't necessarily want to see. And I don't go looking for it, it is just there in front of me. I'm sure I could turn this into a positive story. Ohhh, I get to see a side to her I wouldn't normally get to see, I get to see her interact with her friends, I get to witness her growing up, maturing. Pffffttttt to THAT. I get to see myself being talked about behind(ish) my back. I get to see the destruction of the English language, one I worked my butt off to TEACH her. I get to see boys, and more boys, pay attention to her. I get to see 39 pictures of her, smiling and happy, when I couldn't get one. I get to see a little girl who once looked up to me, needed me, idolized me - growing up more every day. Bah humbug stupid social media.