What I Have Learned - Take Twenty-One

I have learned that sometimes having a normal conversation with my kids just doesn't happen.

As everyone knows, I have five kids. They are highly intelligent, over-achieving, constantly thinking, always pondering, completely 'out there' kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them, adore them even. Sadly, I even 'get' them. But after talking with them about some things, I just end up shaking my head.

I try to be a good mom and discuss the important issues with my kids, like stranger danger. But somehow, it just isn't that easy at my house. We sat one time and discussed the basics, scream 'this isn't my parent' if someone tries to take you, make noise, cause a commotion. Sounds reasonable, right? Until the questions started. Them- What if he has a gun....Me- Scream, make noise, cause a commotion. ...Them- What is he threatens to shoot us....Me- Same thing, scream....Them- So you, as our Mom, want us to do something that will purposely cause us to be shot....Me- Yes, chances are if he is going to shoot you, he will do it anyway. At least this way someone would be able to call 911....Them- Thanks a lot, Mom - you WANT us to get shot.

Try to tell them to break something if they are in a store and someone tries to take them, to bring attention to themselves. Them- You want us to break something.... Me- Yes, to draw attention to the fact someone is trying to take you....Them- You DO realize you would have to pay for it, right....Me- Yes, it would be worth it if it saved your life....Them- What if you couldn't afford what we broke....Me- I would find a way to pay for it, I'm not worried about that....Them- Sure, you have enough money for THAT....

Our conversation regarding fire safety was another 'lovely' one. The message I hoped to get across - immediately get outside to our meeting spot, do not take anything with you, just get out as quickly as possible. Again, sounds like an easy enough discussion. Yeah, well, not in my household. Them- Should I wake up my sister if she is still asleep when the alarm goes off (note she sleeps in the same room)....Me- Yes, on your way OUT....Them- Well, what about other sister'.... Me- No, let me worry about them, you just get out.... Them- So sister #4 is more important to you than #2?.... Me- No, its a location thing.... Them- What if I am in the bathroom then and not near any of them.... Me- Okay, simplify - just get yourself out.... Them- Well what about #5, do we let him die since he isn't going to be as informed as we are... Me- Just get out of the house as quickly as you can and meet me at our designated spot.... Them- What if the designated spot is on fire.

Seriously, this is my life. Regardless of the conversation, this is what it turns into. And at this point, they greatly outnumber me, so I can't win.

I have gotten pretty used to all of this, I have had a decade or so of it. It is always nice to know that a serious conversation will end in me just shaking my head in disbelief. I think some days they TRY to see how far they can take it before I give in - some kind of sad little game of theirs. It is kind of like the 'why' game you hear when your kids are two, except this isn't as easy to end with the phrase 'because I said so'.

I can assure you one thing, though, you don't even want to KNOW what we discuss at the dinner table.....