What I Have Learned - Take Forty-One

I have learned that sometimes I need to just look at the moment.

 

We all know I am a planner.  I like a clear path, a marked journey.  I like things to make sense and be what they are supposed to be.  I am certainly not someone who is comfortable 'winging it'.  I need order.  I need to know.  We all know that my life has not exactly fit into that very well.  That is how the phrase 'just another day in my life...' came to be.  Because really, isn't it ALWAYS something?

In the book I am reading, there are some wonderfully inspirational parts.  But there is one part that really hits close to home.  A woman is at this amazing location, and her thoughts are 'wow, I can't wait to come back here one day'.  But she is missing the fact that she is THERE, right now.  She is so focused on the future, that she fails to see the day she is in, the moment she is in.  Reading that passage made me cry.  True from my soul, cry.  I am that person.  In almost every aspect of my life.

I spend so much of my life worrying about the future, planning for tomorrow, concerned with what will or may happen.   More of my sentences begin with the future tense, than the present. 'Tomorrow I will...', seldom 'Right now I am....'.  My first question when I am on vacation, even, is 'so what will we plan for the rest of the week?'.  I am always looking forward.

 

But how much am I missing out on right now?  How much worry has invaded my mind, my body, my heart, my soul - that I have let it overtake who I am?  I know I can't completely change being a planner, just by reading some words in a book.  I will likely always have the need to know.  I'm sure I will peek at the ending of a book, or look up the ending of a movie.  But maybe, just maybe, I can soften that need a little bit. Perhaps I can concentrate on what is happening today, instead of worrying so much about what will happen tomorrow.